July 19th 2016

I had a good friend call me out yesterday, holding me accountable for the intention and meaning of the words I write here. First of all: if you don't have someone in your life that holds you accountable in this way, I highly recommend finding one. Second, in our followup conversation I realized something troubling about myself.

Too often I say what I believe, but don't always act on those beliefs. Example: I don't believe that work shaming is healthy for our community but I find myself silently doing it when people work less than me.

I don't believe it's healthy to take pride in staying late or pulling all nighters, but I keep a mental tally of who stays in the office longer (and feel guilty that I'm often among the first to leave in the evenings).

There's more of course, and some far more embarrassing than the two inconsistencies listed above.

Perhaps I'm just an asshole. In my defense, at least I'm trying to be a self-aware asshole. And that seems like an okay place to start – to admit that my actions and world outlook don't align yet. Even writing this now, and having an honest conversation with a friend about it, has helped to add perspective.

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